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Bagman's Gazette - Punctuation is Optional

 
Bullamakanka is a bent and twisted old man who does not have a cat. He does have five goannas though and a possum who lives in the wall. None of them help with the writing, the lazy buggers.

Bagman's Gazette - October 2006

References

October 31st 2006 10:34
Do you have any? Are they needed? What’s that, your grannie will give you a reference. Bugger that for a joke. I’m talking about reference books. Do you have any? Are they needed?

If you said no to either question then you are probably missing out on getting your writing published.

It’s a long, hard slog getting published. Every advantage, every edge you can grasp in perfecting your writing will move you ahead of the millions of other writers wanting to get published.

Attention to detail requires much more than dotting your “i”s and sticking commas in appropriate places.


So do you have any reference books? Perhaps a good dictionary or encyclopaedia. Is this enough for a serious writer? I would have to say, probably not.

What should you have? Well, two books that any writer should have are; “The Writers Journey” by Christopher Vogler and “The Hero With a Thousand Faces” by Joseph Campbell.

Beyond these you will need to take into account what genre you are writing in. Myself I write Science Fiction and Fantasy. I also write on renewable energy.

My reference library contains such books as: 1) “The Penguin Dictionary of Symbols”, a superb book for finding the symbolism that will reach inside your reading audience and make them believe. 2) “Dictionary of Non Classical Mythology”, need a god or hero, this is a great book. Sorry but it has been out of print for close to eighty years. Found mine in a second hand book store. 3) Then there is “Eats Shoots and Leaves” by Lyn Truss, Need to know where that comma goes? This is a great book that can tell you. 4) And of course I would be lost without “A Dictionary of Australian Colloquialisms” by G.A. Wilkes.

I also have a large library of Sci-fi and Fantasy, not to forget several books on writing and editing, Style Manuals, English, French, German, Italian and Spanish dictionaries.


Could I write with out these? Yes, of course. Would I want to? No way.

What about on line references? Well, have you got several lifetimes to spend reading. To start with have a look at;

http://www.etymonline.com/

http://www.wordspy.com/index.asp

http://wordnet.princeton.edu/ (This is a free dictionary down load)
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Can you spot the cliche

October 28th 2006 06:39
This is a test for writers. Can you spot the cliche?

I’ll Never Eat Pasta Again

It has been a long day. Twelve hours straight and still an hour from home.

Driving through the dark suburbs, down tree lined streets under the light of a half moon is a great way to unwind from a long day. The thought of my cup waiting with a tea bag in it is a comfort. God I’m tired. I’ll be glad to have that cup of tea, a hot shower then slip into bed next to the wife. And tomorrow off. Only a couple more blocks to go. It’s sort of eerie how all the houses look alike with the colours bleached into a monochromatic gray by the pale moonlight

As I pull into my drive I turn off the engine and roll quietly to a stop just beside the house. As I get out of the car I nearly trip over a bicycle. ‘Shit, I mutter, how many times does he have to be told?’ In the half light of the moon I dodge the skateboard and a basketball, climb the two steps and stick the key in the door, but it’s unlocked. I will have to warn the wife about that again.

Turning on the light as I enter the kitchen I look at the table. My cup is not there and not so much as a tea bag. Oh well it’s no big deal I tell myself. But what’s that on the table? There is a machine with a crank handle on it and two boxes. It is the machine that first catches my attention. I love interesting machinery. Having a closer look I discover it to be a pasta machine. Next to the pasta machine are the two boxes. I pick up the larger one to read the label. Stunned I drop the box. The other box I recognize.

My brain is saying, “Tea please, white with two.” My eyes are saying “what is a pasta machine, a box of edible, cherry flavoured knickers and box of party coloured condoms doing on the kitchen table.” My thoughts oscillate between my cup of tea and the combination of pasta machine, condoms and edible knickers.

I need a clue. I look around the kitchen hoping to find a clue. Maybe it’s not my kitchen. This hope is dashed as I spot my cup on the counter, the cats bowl in the corner and the new stainless steel fridge. And that bloody pasta machine with accessories.

I sit down at the table facing my cup on the counter. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the unholy trio. I want to get up and make a cup of tea but I don’t want to turn my back on that pasta machine. It’s looking a bit too lecherous for my liking. Shit! What the hell am I thinking. It’s too much and I am too tired. I rest my head on my arm on the table. . .
Hearing a noise I look up at the pasta machine. The handle is slowly turning. I watch in silence as the pasta machine churns out cherry flavoured ravioli in party colours. Faster and faster the handle turns until the table is shaking and little rubber wrapped ravioli are sliding off the end of the table. Everything is shaking. I’m shaking. My wife is shaking. She’s shaking me and telling me to wake up. ‘Come on, you silly duffer, it’s time to get up. Why didn’t you come to bed last night? Fancy sleeping on the kitchen table at your age. Now get a move on. Go and have a shower and I’ll make you a cup of coffee. I want you out of the house by ten o’clock. You know you don’t want to be here with all us girls for Sallies hens party.’

‘Huh,’ I say.

‘Sally, your daughter. You know, the one that’s getting married next month. Hens party, today, all those women coming. Honestly. Men are so thick. Now go and have your shower. I have to wrap these gifts’
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Publishing?

October 26th 2006 05:25
Publishing?

Well, you can call yourself a writer now. You have just finished your first novel this morning, all one hundred thousand words of it.

You’ve popped it into an envelope and have it half way into the post box on the corner.

All you have to do is let it drop and it’ll be on its way to the publisher. Your first check will be in the return post next week.

Go ahead, drop it. I dare you.

Oh dear, now you’re worried.

What if it’s rejected? What if they say it’s no good? What if your writing stinks.

Welcome to the life of a writer. Fame, fortune, riches, oh, sorry, I was thinking of winning the lotto.

Welcome to the life of a writer. Rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection.

Don’t blame me, your being a writer wasn’t my idea. It’s self-inflicted and there is no sympathy.

Getting work published is hard. No matter how good your novel is. Especially if it’s your first work.

There is a way to improve your chances though, it’s called “EDITING”.

This is my Blog.
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Another

October 26th 2006 04:33
Hi

Welcom to my new Blog. With my own domain. Wow.

Anyway it is my intention to write about writing, editing and regale you with short stories.
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