Gods (cont.)
November 25th 2006 08:20
While we are on the topic of gods perhaps a bit on their relationships would be in order.
Why, well, because the relationships between characters is importent. While most of these gods may or may not show up in a story, I still have them on hand if needed. The same also goes for my other characters. keeping track of characters makes writing easy. Now as these gods are actually the invention of the people of Helengon they also define the people of Helengon.
This tale starts with the creation of the world of Helengon;
In the beginning the Earth was void. Mal, the God of Bad Luck, who was at a party when he heard about it, said this is not a good thing. As he lurched out the door, grasping a bottle of cheap rum, he yelled to the parking attendant, ‘Bring my flaming chariot ya daft bugger.’ Gods being what they are and the words spoken by gods being what they are his chariot was well alight when the attendant, complete with the ears of a donkey, crossed eyes and questionable sex habits, brought it around.
Mal leaped aboard spilling the rum down his beard and sped off into the night in a growing ball of fire. Flailing at his flaming beard with the bottle of rum in one hand and the reins in the other the horses flew on winged feet. At mach 3 Mal looked up and said ‘Holy shit’ and hit the Earth.
The impact raised a circular chain of mountains and blasted a crater across a substantial area of the surface creating the world of Helengon.
The other gods showed up to see what all the noise was about. Ziff the God of Wisdom said, ‘Well you’ve really screwed the pooch this time Mal.’
Mal retorted with ‘Oh great Ziff what wisdom you speak. Not.’
Piscus the Goddess of Fish said ‘I’m hungry what about a BBQ on the beach?’, and produced a couple nice Snapper.
‘I knew I should have brought the esky.’ Laughed Chuck the God of lost love and missed opportunities.
The Goddess of grain Peonie said ‘No worries.’ and with a wave of her hand a vast crop of Rye sprang from the soil. In her hand appeared two bottles of whisky.
Rupert the God of Fertility said ‘How about some mushroom stuffing?’
Syble the Goddess of Children said ‘I don’t want any of those stupid dildo shaped fungi stuffed anywhere. Can’t you just make ordinary round mushrooms like everyone else does?
Bob the God of Mountains was looking at the mountains ringing the valley and said, ‘You know Mal with a bit of work I could really do something with those hills you got there. Tell ya what, I’ll toss ya for them. Best two out of three.’
Shole the Goddess of Sandals said, ‘I’m not going down there without some sensible foot ware.
Judas Goat the God of Treachery and his sister Nanny the Goddess of Flint and Bestower of sharp edges were in the bushes laying traps and leaving sharp stones for unwary feet.
Zenor the God of souls and Keeper of the Gate to the Over World said ‘Right! You lot can stay here if you like but I’m off and I’m locking the gate at midnight. If you’re not home by then you’ll have to stay here all night. All the other gods, in the finest three part harmony, sang, ‘Piss off you bloody great ponce nobody cares.’
As the night wore on and bottles were emptied, the party wound its way through the wee hours. Judas Goat and Mal were playing chess. Each creating warriors and kings and pawns in an effort to win. Mal was having trouble, confusing prawns with pawns, and in the end Judas Goat won. Mal fell asleep while Judas Goat slipped off to the bushes with Peonie. The surviving chess men, knights and queens, pawns and bishops and the odd prawn made a break for freedom. Piscus was well beyond maudlin drunk and in a rather desultory way was creating fish and letting them go. All the while muttering, ‘Nope, that’s not it.’
And in the fashion of parties of children and gods everywhere, everyone eventually went home. Leaving behind the toys and games, the mismatched sandals, scattered about as well as the odd phallic mushroom for others to clean up in the morning.
Why, well, because the relationships between characters is importent. While most of these gods may or may not show up in a story, I still have them on hand if needed. The same also goes for my other characters. keeping track of characters makes writing easy. Now as these gods are actually the invention of the people of Helengon they also define the people of Helengon.
This tale starts with the creation of the world of Helengon;
In the beginning the Earth was void. Mal, the God of Bad Luck, who was at a party when he heard about it, said this is not a good thing. As he lurched out the door, grasping a bottle of cheap rum, he yelled to the parking attendant, ‘Bring my flaming chariot ya daft bugger.’ Gods being what they are and the words spoken by gods being what they are his chariot was well alight when the attendant, complete with the ears of a donkey, crossed eyes and questionable sex habits, brought it around.
Mal leaped aboard spilling the rum down his beard and sped off into the night in a growing ball of fire. Flailing at his flaming beard with the bottle of rum in one hand and the reins in the other the horses flew on winged feet. At mach 3 Mal looked up and said ‘Holy shit’ and hit the Earth.
The impact raised a circular chain of mountains and blasted a crater across a substantial area of the surface creating the world of Helengon.
The other gods showed up to see what all the noise was about. Ziff the God of Wisdom said, ‘Well you’ve really screwed the pooch this time Mal.’
Mal retorted with ‘Oh great Ziff what wisdom you speak. Not.’
Piscus the Goddess of Fish said ‘I’m hungry what about a BBQ on the beach?’, and produced a couple nice Snapper.
‘I knew I should have brought the esky.’ Laughed Chuck the God of lost love and missed opportunities.
The Goddess of grain Peonie said ‘No worries.’ and with a wave of her hand a vast crop of Rye sprang from the soil. In her hand appeared two bottles of whisky.
Rupert the God of Fertility said ‘How about some mushroom stuffing?’
Syble the Goddess of Children said ‘I don’t want any of those stupid dildo shaped fungi stuffed anywhere. Can’t you just make ordinary round mushrooms like everyone else does?
Bob the God of Mountains was looking at the mountains ringing the valley and said, ‘You know Mal with a bit of work I could really do something with those hills you got there. Tell ya what, I’ll toss ya for them. Best two out of three.’
Shole the Goddess of Sandals said, ‘I’m not going down there without some sensible foot ware.
Judas Goat the God of Treachery and his sister Nanny the Goddess of Flint and Bestower of sharp edges were in the bushes laying traps and leaving sharp stones for unwary feet.
Zenor the God of souls and Keeper of the Gate to the Over World said ‘Right! You lot can stay here if you like but I’m off and I’m locking the gate at midnight. If you’re not home by then you’ll have to stay here all night. All the other gods, in the finest three part harmony, sang, ‘Piss off you bloody great ponce nobody cares.’
As the night wore on and bottles were emptied, the party wound its way through the wee hours. Judas Goat and Mal were playing chess. Each creating warriors and kings and pawns in an effort to win. Mal was having trouble, confusing prawns with pawns, and in the end Judas Goat won. Mal fell asleep while Judas Goat slipped off to the bushes with Peonie. The surviving chess men, knights and queens, pawns and bishops and the odd prawn made a break for freedom. Piscus was well beyond maudlin drunk and in a rather desultory way was creating fish and letting them go. All the while muttering, ‘Nope, that’s not it.’
And in the fashion of parties of children and gods everywhere, everyone eventually went home. Leaving behind the toys and games, the mismatched sandals, scattered about as well as the odd phallic mushroom for others to clean up in the morning.
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