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Perverse Plastic Party

July 30th 2010 04:58
Plastic homes, plastic food, plastic pets, plastic entertainment - well not quite, but plastic appreciation, or its continual manufacture in today's society, is undeniable, even manic.

Even in the magical art form of music, plastic is rife, with human's bellowing either its praise or damnation from back street balconies, dark recording studios, or showers.

Fake Plastic Trees - The Bends; Plastic Passion - The Cure; Plastic - Alanis Morissette/Portishead; Plastic People - Frank Zappa. I could go on, you catch my drift.

Yes it appears this insidious, yet practical material, which is derived from oil and converted into polymers, has gradually crept its way into the world's darkest crevices and has down right invaded the bowels of society.


In fact, it's all around us. As I type, I have a plastic bottle of soda water next to my feet and a sheet of bubble wrap on my bed.

And what's this general plastic pervasion doing? Unfortunately, besides providing light weight and durable containers, large wads of it also end up in the oceans where it hugs the water dwellers without letting go. Whales, dolphins, seals, puffins and turtles have their wind pipes blocked and die a slow death.
Plastic bottles

Recently, a rare eight metre Bryde's Whale, found washed up near Cairns in Queensland, contained six square metres of the stuff in its guts. In another example, a green turtle was found dead near Morton Bay, Brisbane, with over 50 items in its stomach - the likes of plastic bags and balloons.


Of course, there's also the toxic chemicals that plastic spits into the atmosphere, in gargantuan quantities. Still, however, this persistent little ductile just keeps getting pumped out, with Australia alone manufacturing 14 million tonnes of it since 2000.

While many of the world's rivers are littered with shopping trolleys, we can't see them, as they sink. Plastic, on the other hand floats, it likes to be seen. In fact, it's rather a malicious little thing, as it brainwashes its ambivalent parents into ignoring its adverse effects, leading them to make more of it. Out of sight out of mind. Who am I kidding, maybe the pros of plastic are worth it?

After all, we can't really see the cons, right? It's also light, durable and inexpensive, it provides a house for my favourite cereal to live in, as well as one of my all time favourite foods, sushi. It also, on the odd occasion, provides for some rather beautiful scenes - in the film American Beauty.

Then there's people like David de Rothschild, who just pulled into Sydney Harbour on a boat made out of 12,500 plastic bottles, after sailing 15,000 kilometres across the world to promote waste caused by this incessant child of industry.

It's a lot to take in. I'm gonna have some more soda water.
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In the darkest corners of deep space, scientists have discovered the most gargantuan galactic fireball ever known to mankind.

The star, known as R136a1, is a staggering 265 times heavier than the sun and millions of times brighter.

The new discovery has thwarted the minds of the greatest scientists, who thought it utterly inconceivable that stars greater than 150 times the size of the sun could exist.

Raphael Hirschi, researcher at Britain's Keele University, says if the galactic monster were to replace our sun, its immense gravitational pull would suck the earth in so close that an earth year would last only three weeks. He adds our planet would be saturated in ultra violet light, rendering it an utter biological disaster.
Star

The R136a1 has been located by astronomers in the Tarantula Nebula, 165,000 light years away from Earth. In fact, the star is so distant that it can only be viewed in the Southern Hemisphere with the world's most powerful telescope.

Paul Crowther, astrophysicist at Sheffield University in Britain, has lead a team on the discovery by using the aptly named Very Large Telescope (VLT), as well as archival material from the Hubble Space Telescope.

For maximum clarity, the team conducted the exploration in the driest and most desolate part of the world - the Atacama Desert in Northern Chile. It was here they also discovered a cluster of stars purportedly holding surface temperatures of 40,000 degrees Celsius, more than seven times hotter than our sun.

Whilst surprised by the discovery, Dr Crowther says it's an extremely rare phenomenon that's unlikely to be topped any time soon.

Astronomers, however, are not the only ones getting excited. The finding has prompted vehement advocacy from the previously scorned Underground Society for Esoteric Scientists (USES), who proclaim the star is not just one big bertha, but a blazing cluster of entities engaged in deep galactic conspiracy.

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Milton - the US town named by eminent 17th century English poet John Milton, is now breathing poetry of another kind, all over its citizens.

Sam Calagione and the folks at Dogfish Head Craft Brewery have recreated a 9000 year old Chinese beer made from wildflower honey, muscat grapes, barley malt, hawthorn fruit and chrysanthemums - all for $15 a whirl.

The concoction, re-named Chateau Jiahu, was made possible by Dr Patrick McGovern, a biomolecular archaeologist at the University of Pennsylvania.

Whilst on a research trip in China ten years ago, Dr McGovern stumbled upon ancient pottery remains. And, with a little artful archaeological shard analyses, he was able to identify the previous occupants - rice, honey and berries, used in an ancient Chinese brew, consumed 1000 years before the previously oldest-known fermented ales in the Middle East.
Jiahu Beer

Dr McGovern, a known expert in the origins and history of alcoholic beverages (what a guy), has revealed that beer consumed in China around this time was mostly used for ancestral worship, funerary rites, and other religious ceremonies.

In revitalising this spiritual great grandmother beverage, Mr Calagione used a lot of "creative latitude" in order to estimate the original strength and carbonation. In any case, it appears he has created a rather sterling drop, as the Chateau Jiahu was catapulted into first place at the recent Great American Beer Fest.

With the help of Mr McGovern, Sam and the Dogfish Head Brewery have also created the Midas Touch - a beer based on the remnants of Turkish King Midas' tomb, 2,700 years old, and a ninth century Finnish beer called Sah’tea.

Whilst professed lovers of ancient beer, alcohol researchers such as Dr McGovern declare they are not 'Syrian Hampsters' - rodents described as the Andy Capp of the animal kingdom, who are known to favour alcohol over water any old day. Rather, they describe themselves as lovers of moderation, and crusaders into the lost vaults of "jolly good booze".

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A spectacularly rare solar eclipse has projected an 11,000 kilometre arc over the Pacific, thrusting the mysterious Easter Island into near total darkness.

At precisely 4:15am AEST, approximately 700 kilometres south-east of Tonga, the lunar umbra (moon's shadow) completely covered the sun before continuing in an arc towards the east, climaxing at Easter Island at 6:11 AEST.

The culmination was witnessed by around 4000 flabbergasted tourists, scientists, photographers, filmmakers and journalists, who ventured to the 160 square kilometre sacred island for the event.
Solar eclipse

The unique 41 second eclipse appeared to have quite an effect on its onlookers. In Tahiti, hordes of world cup football fans were allegedly stupefied, unable to continue with their arm chair activity.

In Patagonia, hundreds of animated onlookers were spotted dancing the morning away to the event's final moments (6:52 AEST) in the small town of El Calafate, just across the border from southern Chile in the snow-capped Argentine Andes.

Patricia Vargas, from the University of Chile, has said the ancients would have seen the event as an eminently important upheaval of everything they knew, as their whole world revolved around the earth, sea and "especially the sky".

A few Easter Island visitors, it seemed, were also kerfuffled by the phenomenon, as a French and Japanese tourist were arrested and charged for "over excitable" activities involving the illicit mounting of rare Easter Island statues.

Cassandra Spatula, from the Utopian Archaeological Compassionate Statue Society (UACSS), is concerned over the lack of tenderness shown towards inanimate objects during the event, saying "the whole thing was really a metaphor for society's inevitable descent into utter darkness, which all begins with the statue".





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In a cavalier attempt to shatter the Guinness Book of World Records, obsessed Parisian pastry chefs have tried their hand at the world's largest cake.

For its construction, Chef Gilles Stassart and architect Jean Bocabeille gathered a crack team of pastry chefs, engineers, architects and artistic specialists in an attempt to thicken the icing of French bravado. This mammoth pastry monster was unveiled at the Cite de l'Architecture et du Patrimoine in Paris and was supposed to last four days.

The tower contained 628 kilos of flour, 508 kilos of sugar, 350 eggs and 18 kilos of butter, to stand at a height of 7.82 metres. Thirty degree heat, however, got the better of it, with one onlooker remarking the cake was starting to resemble the Tower of Pisa.
World's Biggest Cake

After the sun's final blow, the Tour sans Faim (Tower without Hunger) was dismantled and turned into fertilizer, after which Pastry lovers around the world were purportedly in shambles. In Paris, mortified round French women were spotted fleeing from the scene in droves.

Dr Ernest Scoff, from the World Cake Misplacement Society (WCMS), has called the event a "disgusting misuse of eggs, butter and flour that could have been, at the very least, catapulted into areas of greater need".

For the mournful cake lover, however, all is not lost, as huge slabs of the fallen tower will be available for gorging at the architecture centre until Sunday.

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