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One dark and violent morning in the early days of 2009, the most powerful force to hit France in years came storming down upon the edge of the Atlantic.

Winds of up to 200 km/ph tore through the nebulous dawn, leaving 26 people dead, forests and power lines crushed, buildings and roads annihilated, and the people of Rowan (a tiny fishing port) utterly flabbergasted.

For not ten miles out to sea, a mysteriously conceived blob ascended from the depths, blasting its way onto the surface. The locals have since named this land mass (which measures 250 acres across at low tide) "l'île mystérieuse" - or 'the mysterious island' - aptly named after a novel by Jules Verne.


Mysterious indeed, as this island has arisen rather close to the famed lost Island of Cordouan, a place once home to the English 'Black Prince', who lived there before it sank during the Hundred Years War in the 14th and 15th centuries.
storm

The Black Prince was a renown formidable warrior, who donned in black and mercilessly crushed all in his path - a sort of dark knight. Has he risen from the sea in the form of an island to slap France in the chops one last time? Or is this just one behemoth of a geological disturbance?

19th century French Historian, Jules Michelet, gives a clue. He has called the area "a sea of contradictions", as depths in the southern end of the gulf suddenly plummet into a fathomless abyss. However, historical records simply state the continual erosion of Cordouan's limestone led to its disappearance.


In any case, Cordouan or not, this 'mysterious island' is currently not listed on any map, nor does it have any bona fide name. In short, it does not officially exist. Scientists, however, are radically attempting to alter this, as the island has attracted an array of vertebrate and plant life which they believe is in dire need of protection.

This scientific urgency is fuelled by the activity of bombastic parachuting thrill seekers, who use the island's lack of legitimacy in order to land, as well as howling, boot scooting ravers who use it for intense go-go dancer type parties. The circus like behaviour the island appears to have spawned has also led to increased interest from mysterious advocacy groups.

Dr Stanley Sherbet, from the Underwater Transmogrification Society (UTS), claims the Black Prince has indeed returned, and is intent on 'finishing the job' by sending all who seek his shores into an unbridled pleasure seeking rampage.
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From deep within the recesses of adventure and lunacy, former British army captain Ed Stafford has braved numerous toxic perils to become the first known man to walk the entire length of the Amazon River.

Armed with an internet satellite phone for entertainment, Stafford spent his comfortable nights watching episodes of 'The Office' in between affairs with 5.5-metre-long caimans, titanic anacondas and "50,000 mosquito bites".

Stafford and a friend embarked on the jungle jaunt on April 2nd 2008. However, three months into the trip, the pair had a falling out and the ex soldier continued on his own.

He was joined by various fascinated locals on legs of the journey, until a hardy Peruvian forest worker, Gadiel 'Cho' Sanchez Rivera, 31, decided to finish the mission with him.
Green Vine Snake

The 9,650 kilometre slog cost $100,000 overall, which was covered by various sponsors. Stafford says the aim of the trip was to promote awareness of threats to the rainforest and its people, although essentially it was a "boy's-own adventure".

Along the way, Stafford was told numerous times by locals he was going to die. He was also twice accused of murder, imprisoned, had concrete shoved in his mouth by fiery anti-capitalist warriors, chased with bows and arrows, and had a bot fly removed from his skull.

Living on a diet of piranhas, beans and rice, Stafford was also welcomed by snakes, scorpions and eels and hugged by a resident skin disfiguring disease.

Famed British adventurer and fellow lunatic Sir Ranulph Fiennes, the first to completely cross Antarctica on foot, described the journey as a glistening wonder trek. He said it had never been done as it was considered an utterly "impossible route".

Meanwhile, news of Stafford's success has utterly titillated the head of British Terrestrial Intelligence (BTI), Colonel Juniper, who credits the army for turning what could have been a saggy Anglo office worker into one hell of a bush bashing British bulldog.









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One of the world's most frenzied transport hubs has displayed astonishing disrespect to the elderly by slapping a $40,000 plus fee on a prehistoric fish trying to re-enter Egypt.

Fossilised remains of the world's only complete Basilosaurus skeleton, dating to the Eocene period, are currently stranded at Cairo International Airport (CIA) following the customs dispute.

The bony whopper is returning home to Egypt for display after being unearthed in the remote 'Valley of the Whales' region and taken to the US for repairs several years ago.
Basilosaurus Skeleton

Importers of the whale are refusing to pay the fee, while stupefied scientists say the rare and ancient beast, which provides "a remarkable insight into evolution", is currently in danger of being crumbled like a scotch biscuit.

Dr Philip Gingerich, one of the world's foremost experts in ancient mammalian investigations, has joked it took two-and-a-half years to get the beast out, and will probably take the same to get the thing back in.

While Biff Crinkle, from the Airport Mystery Investigation Squad (AMIS), is slightly more concerned over the matter. He says the airport is represented by a highly suspicious acronym, and that money disguised as import duty is likely being laundered to fund the notoriously outrageous Christmas parties held there every year.





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Perverse Plastic Party

July 30th 2010 04:58
Plastic homes, plastic food, plastic pets, plastic entertainment - well not quite, but plastic appreciation, or its continual manufacture in today's society, is undeniable, even manic.

Even in the magical art form of music, plastic is rife, with human's bellowing either its praise or damnation from back street balconies, dark recording studios, or showers.

Fake Plastic Trees - The Bends; Plastic Passion - The Cure; Plastic - Alanis Morissette/Portishead; Plastic People - Frank Zappa. I could go on, you catch my drift.

Yes it appears this insidious, yet practical material, which is derived from oil and converted into polymers, has gradually crept its way into the world's darkest crevices and has down right invaded the bowels of society.

In fact, it's all around us. As I type, I have a plastic bottle of soda water next to my feet and a sheet of bubble wrap on my bed.

And what's this general plastic pervasion doing? Unfortunately, besides providing light weight and durable containers, large wads of it also end up in the oceans where it hugs the water dwellers without letting go. Whales, dolphins, seals, puffins and turtles have their wind pipes blocked and die a slow death.
Plastic bottles

Recently, a rare eight metre Bryde's Whale, found washed up near Cairns in Queensland, contained six square metres of the stuff in its guts. In another example, a green turtle was found dead near Morton Bay, Brisbane, with over 50 items in its stomach - the likes of plastic bags and balloons.

Of course, there's also the toxic chemicals that plastic spits into the atmosphere, in gargantuan quantities. Still, however, this persistent little ductile just keeps getting pumped out, with Australia alone manufacturing 14 million tonnes of it since 2000.

While many of the world's rivers are littered with shopping trolleys, we can't see them, as they sink. Plastic, on the other hand floats, it likes to be seen. In fact, it's rather a malicious little thing, as it brainwashes its ambivalent parents into ignoring its adverse effects, leading them to make more of it. Out of sight out of mind. Who am I kidding, maybe the pros of plastic are worth it?

After all, we can't really see the cons, right? It's also light, durable and inexpensive, it provides a house for my favourite cereal to live in, as well as one of my all time favourite foods, sushi. It also, on the odd occasion, provides for some rather beautiful scenes - in the film American Beauty.

Then there's people like David de Rothschild, who just pulled into Sydney Harbour on a boat made out of 12,500 plastic bottles, after sailing 15,000 kilometres across the world to promote waste caused by this incessant child of industry.

It's a lot to take in. I'm gonna have some more soda water.
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In the darkest corners of deep space, scientists have discovered the most gargantuan galactic fireball ever known to mankind.

The star, known as R136a1, is a staggering 265 times heavier than the sun and millions of times brighter.

The new discovery has thwarted the minds of the greatest scientists, who thought it utterly inconceivable that stars greater than 150 times the size of the sun could exist.

Raphael Hirschi, researcher at Britain's Keele University, says if the galactic monster were to replace our sun, its immense gravitational pull would suck the earth in so close that an earth year would last only three weeks. He adds our planet would be saturated in ultra violet light, rendering it an utter biological disaster.
Star

The R136a1 has been located by astronomers in the Tarantula Nebula, 165,000 light years away from Earth. In fact, the star is so distant that it can only be viewed in the Southern Hemisphere with the world's most powerful telescope.

Paul Crowther, astrophysicist at Sheffield University in Britain, has lead a team on the discovery by using the aptly named Very Large Telescope (VLT), as well as archival material from the Hubble Space Telescope.

For maximum clarity, the team conducted the exploration in the driest and most desolate part of the world - the Atacama Desert in Northern Chile. It was here they also discovered a cluster of stars purportedly holding surface temperatures of 40,000 degrees Celsius, more than seven times hotter than our sun.

Whilst surprised by the discovery, Dr Crowther says it's an extremely rare phenomenon that's unlikely to be topped any time soon.

Astronomers, however, are not the only ones getting excited. The finding has prompted vehement advocacy from the previously scorned Underground Society for Esoteric Scientists (USES), who proclaim the star is not just one big bertha, but a blazing cluster of entities engaged in deep galactic conspiracy.

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Beer

Milton - the US town named by eminent 17th century English poet John Milton, is now breathing poetry of another kind, all over its citizens.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Eclipse

A spectacularly rare solar eclipse has projected an 11,000 kilometre arc over the Pacific, thrusting the mysterious Easter Island into near total darkness.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Cake

In a cavalier attempt to shatter the Guinness Book of World Records, obsessed Parisian pastry chefs have tried their hand at the world's largest cake.

[ Click here to read more ]
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MATURE CONTENT
   


Ardent Moon

November 21st 2007 07:07
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The Sea

November 13th 2007 07:50
Writing poetry has been described as various things. From, ‘A gateway to the heart/soul to manic depression’.

Me, I’m a reluctant poet, probably because poetry is driven by life’s experiences. Not all are sweet and light. There are the dark, the things that eat at your soul, defile your inner being. And yet, these things from the darkest pits can inspire love poems


[ Click here to read more ]
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White Line

November 12th 2007 12:07
Slip on the leathers and wheel out the bike
turn the key the beast comes to life
the road sings its siren song


[ Click here to read more ]
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Something else

November 10th 2007 19:12
No idea why, but here tis.


[ Click here to read more ]
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Goodby

November 9th 2007 12:41
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I have no other blogs :(
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